It’s been so long since I wrote anything. I think its been around a whole year! I doubt its because I am busy, being busy has never deterred me in the way of doing things the way I want to. Even if I it did ( the dreaded exams and the CIA can be reeeeally annoying) I don’t usually worry about it. Let everything take its own time. But I am wondering if its time I upped my policy to the one my mother always wanted me to follow – Time is everything.

  My mother is one of the most creative people I know and she is smarter than a whole lot of people I know too. Its really difficult to match up to her level. She used to keep the expectations for me higher than even her own but I consistently went lower and lower regarding formal education .I am not sure why I am not interested in formal education I understand its extremely important but sometimes I fail to understand why and the moment that happens I tend to lose complete interest. If I like doing something, I am very passionate about it…I read up ,I discuss I learn .But same way my lack of interest can also be very severe, take for example my mathsophobia. I like basic math’s, I like algebra…But matrices and calculus, and trigonometry? They are useful for a engineering course but what is the relevance of it to a business management class? I suppose there are reasons, but I don’t get it. Unfortunately that’s my fall…its so difficult to try.

 My course is getting over , I am passing out ( Hopefully) in around 6-7 months and my life still has no direction. Most of them in my class are planning on running behind an MBA.I am just not interested. My parents want me to do an MBA; the only way I can resist is if I can get a job. I am getting one. Hopefully soon. But will I like it? What do I do if I don’t like it? Is it worth taking some job I don’t like just to gain experience and site it on my resume?

 My resume as of now has nothing in it. Its so very blank in comparison to others. They have written bullshit in it that I know has no real relevance. Part of hospitality committee: that’s what one has written…even I was…we showed people from other colleges around our campus during a fest ( and consequently my calculator was stolen by my guest..grr).and that counts as part of your resume? I am supposed to write all that?

Can I write I love drawing, painting in various forms , Love textures  and all that? Most of the things I know I have taught myself and plan on getting professional help eventually to learn it completely. But I am at a loss. I know things. But they seem to be so irrelevant.

 This is where my mothers planning comes into picture. According to her I shall work for the next 2 years, take six months off study for the CAT exams , spent the next 2 years doing MBA and then get another job and in another year or so get married. Its just that there are so many things I want to do but  I still haven’t get around to it. I want to learn about textiles and textures. I want to learn about batik printing and mixing colours. May be do an interior designing…so many things to do…so little time. Maybe my mother was right. I should start planning.

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